i have felt like my best friend doesnt really want to be friends, and for a while has been quite dismisive and cold towards me, even last night when it was my birthday she was chatting away all night to all my friends but not to me… i felt really very sad and i told her last night that i didnt think we could be friends any more because it is too painful. she didnt understand and told my sister to take care of me. today i called her up and she didnt want to speak to me, but i called anywy and spoke to her fiance and then she picked up the phone and was really really angry and then shouted and cried and put the phone down on me. i feel awful about it, but somehow at the time it felt the right thing to say beause i felt so much pain. i dont know what will happen now. i am trying to be mindful of the present moment and just take each moment as it comes. but its hard to think positively when your feeling like shit. i guess time passes and what happens will happen, but it now seems like its all totally grown into something massive and horrid and even more painful than the situation was before. all i keep on thinking was i wish i could revert the time. but i know in my heart you cant, and sometimes you fuck up, and you have to deal with the consequences. friendship can be the most wonderful thing in the world, but it can also at time be so so painful when it breaks down. do we risk that horrid feeling for the good times? or do we keep things simple and more distant but less real?